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Brinesanity – an abide jar, filled with all the fuqs given.

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Grease marbles

“At one point in time, we all get older, and our ass pores turn into tunnels for the grease marbles to just seep out. Eight. Eight, was the count from last night…”

Ass pores have an entirely different meaning a couple of decades post the frat house. Marbles are the least of it; on previous occasions, and this is all of late, these marbles include golf balls, bowling balls, golden Butterball turkey’s.

I know what you are thinking, that these are all happening with the lights off and how do you know? Well, I don’t do it with the lights off, unless it is late or night and I have been awoken by one of these nasty ass poxy pockets, and even then I am either going to be running into the bathroom to see what this gem has in store for me or I am going to use my small Maglite which I have now placed beside my bed on a hook for easy access.

Sure thing, go ahead and laugh. Talk to me when your age added together, has two floor qualifiers – one is that the first number is a 3, and the sum of the two numbers will be at least 10. Think about it.

*taps fingers*

Got it?
Good, let’s carry on Sunshtein.

The reason that light and “getting a look” is important, is the same mimic replicated by the 70’s surprise loot bag from a party or the flea market vendor who discovered cheap Chinese shit in a bag bought at wholesale prices off some Indian agent is sold to entice the rugrats of suburbia.

The items could not come out of the ass the way, that is too chunky. They have to be “packaged”. They are glazed with the years of employment, blessed matrimony, and failed online dating encounters that set around an item, and creates this feng shui like polymer around it for easy removal, or storage.

Scroll back up if you are lost, removal or storage is a function of years, don’t doubt that.

Now, using the right length of nail, and no, a cocaine nail is not only so long ago I forgot why I needed such a long nail to drink a soda anyway, and the right amount of digital pressure, you can pop those things like the wasabi pea snap I have alluded to before, is critical.

The nail is the amplifier, and when you plug in and tune out, that delicious sound you hear when you pop that head boil, or the zit at the base of the balls (*if you think I am bullshiting or just being gross, then you are either not old enough yet, or trying to kid yourself into thinking none of this applies to your magnificent lifestyle. Let me guess, you have never masturbated and find the thought of it disturbing? Nice, pleasant to meet you. So can I ask for my three wishes all together, or do you have to go back in the bottle between each one to consult with the other genies, pixies and fairies gathered to determine just why humans actually still debate the concept of time as used to describe distance – fuck, it is a light year, and not weight?) is relief anointed from the assholes of the co-workers who have set their spell check to accept orangutan and orangekatans.

The use of the light is what allows us to stare at these marbles like tiny mirages of the past. Cat’s eyes, corkscrews and Hurricane Aggie perfection. Larger marbles and smaller ones, some even accompanied by – gasp, a metal cross, yeah I know. It was even like 3 dimensional. Fascinating, if you think about the amount of RAM used in that technology, to achive what it had done in the centuries before.

So within in the marble balls, you can look and stare and swirl and be amazed at the fact that as you lay there in the bed, just giving that little scratch a go, you snake the tip of the glassy surface, and it is like spotting that clown face on the shitty white paper bag, except this surprise is not filled with fraud like that bag.

No, it will tell of all the Butterball turkey’s your milky ass just stored in different parts of your body as you golfed in Maui for two weeks so you could watch Marty from Marketings “tactical” division for the next 52 weeks learn how to embed a fucking coded link into that mystical pie chart that changes colour and syntax weekly, but maintains the same dry drone of the bowling alley.

That is where you sat, and indulged in all those glorious onion rings, never aware that the same sneaker fluid used in the butane charged canisters was used after the beer battered dough had been fed nutrition by yeast and misery, and just as it needed to seal in the freshness. Well that shit helps the embalming process anyway, so the good news? Keep these marbles for the funeral home, they offer a 3.24% (*going published rate, as referenced in today’s Empirical Propagation Today, a US Fed daily periodical. It is CIA Fact Book affirmed, so it’s kosher) for each 1 gram.

The small golf ball marbles are not only beautiful to look at, they are Martha Stewart’s favourites, and if you eat enough calcium in your diet, combined with all of the extra salt consumed in the typical North American diet, you can shake these small marbles and see snow flakes whirl around pictures that reflect those perfect childhood memories like the annual piano recital Aunt Voola’s mole would entertain the family with, or drunk bumper cars with dad on the way home from the season finale of Streets of San Francisco.

I am assuming as we get older, there is going to be a lot less of the bigger things, I mean they have been festering in there for all these years, so the removal of them has to mimic the typical peak and trough pattern in the Falling Wedge trading pattern  – where we see plateau’s that drop off things like body validity, ball sack/chin elasticity and what not.

Dig.

Going to go get a collection of the marbles for the next couple of days.

Some hard core brinesanity on the go, and I think I am going to ride some of the gravy train.

Armstruthtonged is about to arrive.

A dozen beautiful marbles that have been sanctioned by the precious declarations of O’pratato and Sir Armstruthtonged, and commissioned by a small trust that Fetada Inc. has put in place for such occasions.

Truth can be served with the salad fork to the left of the proper spoon, or it can be served via tongs. Huge, platinum tongs that toss brass balls, or ball, like olives.

Yum, yum.
Eat ’em up.

*abide* 

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Misogynistic windows

fetaman, fetaChops, iFeta, brinesanity, brine diaries

Rage. The horror of what you are about to read is real. I am not making any of it up. If you are able to click on this picture, and see the link to the video, you will get a look at what is a symbol of me, the Fetaman. Please note, I take this all very seriously. Sorry for another “frant” (*Fetaman-rant), but I just can not take it anymore, no not going to take it anymore. I just want to be on my bicycle seat.

Fucking windows.

Pretty sick that they can be so outstanding, and so obvious. They are everywhere, and we look right through them, even staring at our reflections. There they sit, the very demise of our culture.

Women hating bullshit, windows.

Not right that they can’t be washed by women.
Women are very good at washing windows.
Like dishes.

Look, I know this may come off as sounding quite strange, after all, I am a man. One made of cheese, and the mind is at times questioning a number of things, but this has got to stop.

If we want equality, we want it now.

This is not some kind of bra burning adventure, or some kind of keep calm and chive on bullshit, glad to see that funny, made my day that much more glorious, and thanks for all of the inspiration and all, but there are serious matters to attend to.

These windows, all over the world, are being washed by men, and that is so fucking sexist, I can not stand to bear it anymore.

I do not know what the cause of this acceptance is – are we bound by some kind of oath we took to the windows, to make sure they were only touched by hands of men after construction people put them in? Breasts can near the making of the windows, can own the company in fact, they can transport and install the windows – but cleaning them, that was part of the “oath”?

Perhaps, it is the window’s that are demanding this, as we all know that all windows are male. They are cold, heartless, transparent shields for all of the glory that Mother (*note, female, duh -smacks head-) Nature has blessed us with, and they want to somehow flip her the bird by insisting only other males are allowed into the locker room in the skies. Is that there play, trying to keep women from the “locker room” – the last bastion of athletes fingertips and Gold Bond laced handled, instruments to wipe the glazed and wet surfaces clean, shiny clean, polishing and attending to that masculine glass?

I am not going to get into the debate of whether a man touching another mans glass is gay or not, some men do not judge their lives by sex alone, the touching of swords for example is not a gateway to anal adventure you know, nor is gun duelling or Sasquatch fisting. If you must know, Sasquatch was a secret nickname all Junior Hockey clubs were required to call at least one of their players, it is required by IIHF code. It was to be given to the hairiest assed male on the team, and it had nothing to do with fisting as most non-hockey-initiated folks would imagine, and everything to do with the anagram.

*Ok, the hint is “sifter“. The act of actually putting something through it is called sifting. What you put through can be something that is liquid or solid, and it might be different for an away game, or a home game. It will also have everything to do with before, or after the game. Nothing else can be revealed at this time, else it may jeopardize my source(s) personal and sensual safety.

I think this has nothing to do with either. I think this have everything to do with the conspiracy that Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is maintained, by society allowing men to get away with this blatant disregard for equality, and it is going to stop now. Security and safety will not play second fiddle to the physical metabolic needs, we will stop breathing until this happens.

No fear in standing up to the Rothschild family owned corporations that allow this to continue. All of you property managers that are being called, look no further for salvation than your fellow man, Fetaman, to bring you the comfort of a friend to fight the politically correct foes, as they claim it is too dangerous, or women are too weak, or even the infamous they are allowed to do anything they want coos.

No.

We will not tolerate this anymore, and this is the reason I took it beyond just writing my local political hack trying to nickel and dime donations for charity at the expense of his Moore’s suites and his high profile image.

I will not sit idly by, and allow the Rothschild families, and all of the rich that worked their way into fortunes using the magic wand of business, that witching stick of bastardly convention that has convinced man that the freedom to sow, care and reap what you will is only limited by the amount of wealth that must be transferred to all, including the crack ridden, the lazy, and the pharma-medicated downtrodden victims, all of them, victims of the torture life has brought to them, to be able to demand that only men are able to walk this line of danger and profit.

The travesty has been so great, and I seldom so ubiquitously announce my conviction for a cause so great and worthy as this one, usually I will just start a trough corporation, to milk all of the unsuspecting sheeple so that I can reproduce more baby Feta’s, fuck it is only right considering all of the mind wasting propaganda that Baby-bel/Baby-belle has inflicted on all of you, wake up people, Zeus, Greece, awesome cheese, makes great snowmen, way better than Sweddy balls etc, yeah…

Make it so clear to the world that we are well aware of this sexist shit, and it is going to stop right now. We are going to not only make it a world thing, and insist that only women get to wash these windows, just like men have and have flaunted in our faces with these signs, and the purported dangers. Get used to corporate cubicle dwellers.

Mother, Juggs and Greed Window Washing LLC, has been incorporated and is offering full, naked, female window washing services for the evolution of mankind effective April 1, 2013.

Our first engagements are booked for Toronto, Dubai, Hong Kong, Kiev, Paris, Phukit and 213 other major cities around the world.

Taking a stand against the norm, and bringing you the truth.

The only way we can right the past, is to make sure those that have been set free are not only free to do as they wish, they can dance and rejoice and sing the praise of true equality.

Ladies, if you are willing to set those puppies free, are fit and confident, and want to make sure that you prove to the world that you are here to abide. Please let me know.

Time to fight the power, and fuck misogynistic windows.

*abide*

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It is bred into them.

No one is really going to appreciate the connections. They are very funny though.

Kojak. Stavros. Greek. Laughs. Old ways, that corrupted a nation, that hopes to be laughed at in the private settings, but stares down bulls and drinks real whiskey, like Crown Royal. Not that horse urine, fuqtarded excuse for one CC – urine.

Real men, drink tsiporo.

Stadium construction? Yes, stadium construction.

Wake me when the vote is done, I will be sleeping under the desk. In the studio, it could be referred to as the C section I guess, just no ladies.

@JournalismJunk lays down a great one liner, and of course, Fetaman has to turn it into a 10 minute acid trip, without the acid, just some brinesanity.

Check out a Theo of mine, Uncle Costas. He love’s the cool, slender menthol smokes.

Financed by the Fed and the EU, surety they care.

*abide*

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Re-animation

Reanimating – @GuyThe_Guy – we can rebuild him.

*abide*

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Cheese Bakonnosaurus Crackers

“These cheese covered, bacon crackers are fully functioning magic heeling treats…when circumstances of disparate hunger, munchies or pixies demanded, lbs/kgs of bulk and beautiful bacon would be crisped, sharp teeth gnashing at the thought of what was to come…my Star Spangled Banner solo, was actually not only acid, it was the Bakonnosaurus treats…love that Fetaman…man…” Jimmy Hendrix, describing his Bakonnosaurus trips with Fetaman, Neil Young and Gordon Lightfoot

This is not for the faint of heart, or those that do not like massive amounts of cheese and bacon to be hoarded into their bodies for the afterlife. If you are one of these types that has no self-control, or can not handle things in moderation, with balance and other healthy choices, your decision to continue.

I am not forcing you to, but it may lead to some serious cholesterol issues if you are not responsible.

As a reward for ensuring you have worked out, or been good, or accomplished what you want, or simply as a reward for wanting to eat something incredible, take yourself back to the time when the roaming dinosaurs, needed to get a snack and even the herbivores fell for the old “it is really tofu bacon” trick that T-rex was infamous in using to lure them in.

(T-Rex was not like the old Canadian Club monkeys, he was loyal to the real kingdom, and Crown Royal)

You will need;

  • Bacon,
  • Feta cheese *or a crumble like cheese
  • White Cheddar, aged *or alternative you like
  • Virgin olive oil
  • Toothpicks
  • Dips at your discretion and desire

 

  1. The typical package, pre-cut, has about 18-20 slices. Let’s just slice them each down the middle, and you will now have 36 “crackers” once they have been crisped to your liking. I usually do not do this in a pan, too greasy, but if you want to – go ahead. I use the Fetaman grill (*wrestled George for the rights, but he was strong, and has so many kids, what do I need more fame for). The drippings allow for the bacon to stay the right kind of crispy, and depending on the size of the cuts (*you want smaller bites, cut them again, now you have 72 small pieces, or when combined, 36 bacon cluster sizes) will yield a crunchier or cheesier end product.
  2. One of my secrets is here, is that I will actually place half toothpicks (*yeah, that cheap, for fucks sake they are going to be thrown in the garbage) in half of the bacon pieces before they cool. It means, I can use them as pre-fabricated roofs for the Bakonnosaurus treats, and when the cheese all melts it is a perfect cocktail/party/movie/Twitterverse treat.
  3. You can then place a crumble cheese in the middle, I obviously use feta, or you can use a softer cheese, like the white cheddar. Using the crumble, but yet still melting cheese, provides a texture and taste that is a favorite, and seriously, this is not rocket science.
  4. Place the next piece of bacon on top of it, and some of the white cheddar to melt and cover it, as much or as little as you like.
  5. All into the oven for a quick broil and heat.
  6. Remove, and thank the universe for being alive.
  • Impress the ladies with your marinara sauce, a dickory dipped blend
  • Use them as toppings for salad, as a way of changing up that Caesar feel – make it your cottage, go to “secret recipe”
  • Change up the cheese, and prove it is your own
  • Want to prove you got the spirit of Fetaman in you? Dip in some thick beer batter mix after, and re-fry those babies. When they are ready, and golden they will be lifted from the fryer by angels sent from Pontius Munchius.
  • If you really want to get creative, get sliced pea meal or back bacon, and cut into shapes with a cookie cutter (*yeah, the excess whatever Einstein, chop the extra pieces into tiny bits and crisp for bacon bits?) and just don’t go ballistic with cheese, make them “cultured for the opera set, they love bacon too” (*ummm, hello, how you think those ladies became so able to sing so loud and proud in signaling the end of the show?)

If you have not all ready shut this post down, and are not making your way to the stash, then the fridge/grocery store, please do it now.

If you are not wanting to try to do this, or not daring enough (*ladies only) to send me pics of you cooking said bacon, in stockings and stilleto’s, topless and taunting the bacon to come ‘atchya – please, no need to come back…

…unless you bowl in the gulch.

*abide*