fetaman.com

Brinesanity – an abide jar, filled with all the fuqs given.

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Fact: Equity in fraud pie is free.

It doesn’t matter why I got here, I am here. So accept it. It is a wonderful place. The grass. It is fucking orange man. Regards, Gus.

— Fetaman (@fuqtarded) April 23, 2013

  • Formation skydiving piece
  • Facts or fiction?

*the waiver is the fictional side of the clause, and what you want to make of it. This story has been included within “The Equation” with one intention in mind. To have you consider each of the following quotes, as the main “lessons” or discussion points as I am not a teacher, I am merely an observer and providing some “fiction” for you to consider as real or not.

What you do with it, and where you want to go with it – that will be the truth. Only that is going to set you free, like telling the truth from my perspective, and how some things just happened to be – so why not, a fictional take on what was a very lucid dream.

  • “Honest criticism means nothing: what one wants is unrestrained passion, fire for fire.” – Henry Miller
  • “Fame is a vapor, popularity is an accident, money takes wings, those who cheer you today may curse you tomorrow. The only thing that endures is character.” Horace Greeley
  • “Kites rise highest against the wind – not with it.” – Sir Winston Churchill
  • “Politics is the art of controlling your environment.” – Hunter S. Thompson
  • “I have feelings too. I am still human. All I want is to be loved, for myself and for my talent.” – Marilyn Monroe

So close, one would be able to almost touch it – if they dare.

No need to worry, their whole world was a silly series of clouds and manifestations of things that had one set of senses tingling, while another entirely went the way of the electronic transfers and where it goes from there – no body knows.

If you have been invited to review a copy of this subset equation, you have been given an invitation to extend a hand and help out. Provide more of a lending hand, and do some diligence yourself. This has a great deal of importance for any interested 3rd parties, and I suggest you consider some of the characters at a deeper point of brooding should you choose to extend the invitation more. As for professional interests, examined on a case by case basis.

People will automatically remove a foreign social atmosphere participant using tools to keep timelines and data clean, but will not take a little bit of time to “dismiss” the whole concept of what and why certain things have happened, and I sit here the humbled fool? Perhaps if I were busier, and did not care- I do care right?

Oh wait, you are under the impression – good place to be.

Perhaps my “wealth” is not what it once was thought of as such? One thing for certain – the methodology, and the manner by which these teams accomplish what they do is indeed a spectacle in and of itself, and should be applauded at the same as it is lauded.

This is the world that we are living in, and if the example cuts a little too close it is because you are in no way, shape or form able to form the real cognitive thought to see it for what it really is, and I ask for your forgiveness.

Whichever of the two pills you choose to take, is your own, and I shall not judge you for it.

Never mind the two foot tall rabbit, he is with Alice.

She is “elite”.

The whole scam and how it works, from tip to tail, and the way that certain tax loopholes and organizations will be set up to run this way, and allow people to make money in other ways.

It is only you, if you make it so.

You should leave the star if it matters, if it does not, it was not meant to stay.

Either way we can not all be responsible for everyone, we first must be true to ourselves. That is why you see me “avoid” certain people now.

Liars, gossip mongers – cowards…all of them fools. and I the greater for making the choice to pick up their book. So I choose not to.

That does not make me cruel, but rather prevents another cruelty – and that, that is the greater good.

 *abide*

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Into the Void

Rocket engines burning fuel so fast
Up into the night sky they blast
Through the universe the engines whine
Could it be the end of man and time
Back on earth the flame of life burns low
Everywhere is misery and woe
Pollution kills the air, the land and sea
Man prepares to meet his destiny

Rocket engines burning fuel so fast
Up into the night sky so vast
Burning metal through the atmosphere
Earth remains in worry, hate and fear
With the hateful battles raging on
rockets flying to the glowing sun
Through the empires of eternal void
Freedom from the final suicide

Freedom fighters sent out to the sun
escape from brainwashed minds and pollution.
Leave the earth to all its sin and hate
find another world where freedom waits.
Past the stars in fields of ancient void
Through the shields of darkness where they find
Love upon a land a world unknown
where the sons of freedom make their home

Leave the earth to Satan and his slaves
leave them to their future in the grave
Make a home where love is there to stay
July 21, 1971

The fury to be cut into a mask, is made from leadership. Today, the masks are digital impressions and accomplishments masked by hard drive walls.

The paths are etched not by the soul that took it on a journey as great as the void it crossed, but by the tips of something calling for a wanton attention in the mass metallic hysteria of today. The need to generate more grunge with a new rebellious atmosphere that seems to want to forget the past, and not embrace the historic epitaph of walking legends.

There is too much going on they say, I have to remain connected to today, where the relevance is deemed necessary by the media lollipop I want to suck on.

I can’t break free, and do my own thing – that might separate me from the school.

That would be bad.

As a sardine, my sea of brine is made of brainwashed pollution.

If I get too close to the sun, I will be burned to a crisp.

Besides, i want to join some of my cousins, the lemmings for the moon walk anniversary. They are giving away hot dogs that have some kind of magic on them. If you lick them first, before you eat them, you get to see bright, vivid hallucinations of social grandeur.

A land where tales wag the tides.

The tides, move you.

If you are lucky you will find, behind this void – a gulch.

There will be no fuq given for you in that way, but that which you give.

Buy the ticket, take the ride and then...just...

*abide*

 

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My Corona.

Well, the “experiment” has been a rousing success for me.

I think I will honour the initial 72 hours, and seeing as not a single person was confirmed, via the run on the Twitter side, it is enough to see what has happened here and how it goes.

It really is ideal, in so many ways, and of course I will, as always, buy my own burs.

Just wanting to make it clear, the “giveaway” or as some deemed it, the “money making lottery” (*such a lovely, and thankful context smirk* “So much to be able to say, to the Academy, and all those that made this happen, the tweet fluffers, the meat vine Jane’s by night, and Jerry’s by day – you all made the costumes and the facade such a wonderful place to be, a magical place to escape the reality of the days that pass, and the reasons you were able to make those dragon feet dance like Gene Kelly. Thank you…”) is no longer active, thanks to the drove by winkers, hope to see you back more “active” some day.

I got to shake the hands of the folks that know me in life, and I got a whole lot of information to help fill in a gap.

So, let’s keep this simple.

Beer/Twitter – 0

Brine Grenades – **

*sip, will drink the beer “myself”, and provide some commentary.

The iPod – well, bought and new – so will save it for the book launch.

Thank you RT’s and stars, appreciate the wave.

If you listen closely, you can hear Ghetz.

His shit don’t stink, I am sure.

*abide*

Ooh my little pretty ones, pretty ones.
When you gonna give me some time, Toobona?
Ooh you make a boater run, my motors, fun.
Gus is comin’ off the line Toobonya.
Never gonna drop, fill the cup.
Such a dirty kind. Always get it up, iFeta’s touch
on the younger blind. My my my feta woo. M M M My Souvlabona…

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Stink no more.

Fear and the Monkey

by William S. Burroughs

August 1978

This text arranged in my New York loft, which is the converted locker room of an old YMCA. Guests have reported the presence of a ghost boy. So this is a Oui-Ja board poem taken from Dumb Instrument, a book of poems by Denton Welch, and spells and invocations from the Necronomicon, a highly secret magical text released in paperback. There is a pinch of Rimbaud, a dash of St-John Perse, an oblique reference to Toby Tyler with the Circus, and the death of his pet monkey.

Turgid itch and the perfume of death
On a whispering south wind
A smell of abyss and of nothingness
Dark Angel of the wanderers howls through the loft
With sick smelling sleep
Morning dream of a lost monkey
Born and muffled under old whimsies
With rose leaves in closed jars
Fear and the monkey
Sour taste of green fruit in the dawn
The air milky and spiced with the trade winds
White flesh was showing
His jeans were so old
Leg shadows by the sea
Morning light
On the sky light of a little shop
On the odor of cheap wine in the sailors’ quarter
On the fountain sobbing in the police courtyards
On the statue of moldy stone
On the little boy whistling to stray dogs.
Wanderers cling to their fading home
A lost train whistle wan and muffled
In the loft night taste of water
Morning light on milky flesh
Turgid itch ghost hand
Sad as the death of monkeys
Thy father a falling star
Crystal bone into thin air
Night sky
Dispersal and emptiness.

*abide*

 

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Handshake UD – NOYB 1.1

The experience continues, and the bottom line?

I am thirsty.

“Asking” for a beer, and a handshake, I would have thought that would have been very easy to do with the offer of leaving an iPod behind for the lucky winner of the back-of-the-napkin raffle. It is a 3rd Generation, 4GB, iPod Shuffle and it is new. and the posts are right below this one. Here is the the shortcut to the original post, in case the “napkin” has some feta or brine juice on it.

It can get pretty spunky, so providing a daily update for those that think this is “twerk” or about making money.

So far, 6 Tweets of my own, that have been RT from me, non from here direct but one single solitary Zippo. Connected the crosshairs with a direct S/O and for that, am always grateful. This “code” is pretty simple, there has been one RT – so, interesting to note the impressions and the hits, but what about extended handshakes?

Trench warfare is not easy, smells like pretzels down here.

Twitter – 17 users, 33 interactions
Twitter Statistics:
Stars (n/a): 24
RT: 9
RT (*beer): 0

“Longevity is created, not spurred.” – Gus

Friends Family: **
RT (*beer): 0*
BG:**
*none of these friends have not RT, or will not be eligible until they do. The likelihood of that is barely registered, they are the support and kinship of another kind. I am most grateful for their generosity, and affirmations of abide in and of themselves. Support comes in many ways, as does wealth.
**NOYB – None of Your Business represents the fictional title of the “free” research piece that will flow from this approximate week, and it is going to include a groundbreaking revelation about the “Buy the Book” principle. It may or may not involve the last series of months of discovery, and will be interesting to get for free, as the trial lift, pre-release of the “Orange Grass Abides” piece, the title of which is different.

Anybody who demands brutal honesty and transparency from me, is to be granted the same opportunity at any given time.

“It is never madness. It is just about deemed reasons justified as an intent.” – Gus

Hotel Abide.

Demand brutal honesty and transparency from another, but be prepared to grant the same to opportunity and its concequences, logical repurcussions or cerebral sutra.

Two spreadsheets and a microphone.

*abide*

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Echo in the chasm.

So you think you can tell.
Heaven from well, orange grass from pain.
A smile from my veil, a walk on part on my worn out Rimowa.

Well, not until you try, not to have to do it, but because you need to satisfy that urge. Confirm the reality of the situation, and smirk, smile, call it whatever you want to perceive cause you are going to perceive it anyway you want regardless of what I do or so, so be aware I retain that same right.

I am literally walking around this “experiment” as way of complimenting the writing, making sure I have another outlet (*this seems to be questionable, sucking so much energy out of the day to day life at times it is a miracle. I am a-fucking-live, I had an 8 year fight with cancer in various forms, and deal with all the shit of regular folks, plus the racist looks and feta slavery. You think I am kidding, who serves you more in your life, bound to your every wish and desire to coat and top everything that modern mad has come to cover over the caveman? Cheese. Slave to the masters.) and was inspired by a couple of folks I have seen on “that” side I have connected with via timeline.

This timeline has our diversions, the video game take away from life for a quality of what – followers? Zombies that are wanting to press a button, and star a tweet and then move on?

Well, this is my call to action below.

I state the case very clearly, and I am not mincing words in any capacity. Not in the spreadsheets, in the calls, in the notes, in the waves and and the false idols represented by a preceding statement being less than the number 3. Is the number 3 supposed to represent the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost? Is this some kind of sub-tweet for Einstein, mocking him about the use of the number being thrown around like some of the dicks in this place, some glory whole for the unfiltered whore that wants to fuck another with the intent of a value not expressed in the honest and open transaction of the place she sits to gather and show her wares? For the sake of political correctness, and remaining true to my commentary on the social side in whatever happens to be the place on the lane – the man whore is merely another form of the same “honourable” profession, all for tea bags in some capacity.

We judge by the actions being louder than the words, and will be a part of the journey, regardless of what the choice is.

I have all ready won, simply by having my eyes opened.

There is no way, none what so ever, that all of the people that I follow, or who follow me, are going to be able to see the tweets alone, especially in that environment. That is not only understood, but has been re-inforced.

What is interesting is those that have, and to what extent.

I have offered a handshake, and made it clear – I am not here for the invisible ghost masturbation jerk move. I am also not crushing that which needs to be kept whole, there are some things which are just too real and close to others, even myself, that is not mean for the drama played out on the social stage.

You can save that shit for the bots, and the computer trophies.

My trophy is a handshake, and action.

Everything else is fiction, financed by the quarter you put in the pinball machine.

Wizards need not apply.

Ownership is never deemed to be owned by any application a monk makes, other than their own.

*abide*

**note: the iPod giveaway/”handshake” bowling league is going to be extended until Friday, April 26th @ 4:20 pm. I had noted it twice yesterday, and making sure to note it here also for any of the “active” users or reviewers. Also a great way to document the journey, and what is behind this site – and what is being shaped – I am truly blessed to have lived. Would not be the same without you, those of you here, and in fact, just as importantly, those of you that are not.

By

Free beer.

1)    RT this post.
2)    Beer?

  • Farmer’s beer, entry
  • Canadian, or European – 2 entries for Canadian, and 3 entries for a European (*all entries once entered, have unlimited retweet/post entries for each separate post) + receive FREE the first “Orange Grass Abides” e-book at publishing + VIP* access to exclusive Gulch events and opportunities.

3)    Once posted live, you are entered to win a new 4GB iPod Shuffle *marijuana green
4)    Each additional RT, from the site – another chance(s) to get some abide.
5)    Winner/friend receives iPod shipped to their address/confirmation by end of this week, via UPS Tracked Package Delivery.*

It does not get any more complex than that.

If only I could be this elite, very productive game it appears. *fuqtarded by choice

Somehow we all wonder through, and seldom spend enough time with the feet on the ground and not six feet beneath it. The grass is orange, and today is your day to make a difference. This is more than just a “promotion” of the upcoming site, it is the assetized right to do right, for a just cause, a choice, like enlightenment, is universal. Warning is not an asset, it is an act. No catch – participate, get a chance to get a 4GB iPod Shuffle, in ganja green to celebrate 4/20, 2013 and to pass on a way of connecting. The “twitterverse” is just a knock, somewhere out there are some answers, orange stars. The grass is orange, it is any colour you want it to be.

Over the next 72 hours**, I will be giving away an iPod Shuffle, 3rd Generation, 4GB.

It is green.

Like grass, and money.
You believe in grass.
The orange grass?

Then just retweet this post – spread the word, and enter with a “farmer’s beer”, a “meagre” $3.00 beer, by using the pull down on the right side of the main page. (*or here if in another forum/post)

I don’t get “paid” to do this, and yes, it is a function of “branding” a writing style, and an approach to reach out to people of the same mind. What kind? Just a couple of thoughts, of the top of my “baked” head, you know, as a fuqtard myself;

  • 100% of this site is free. To date, the time allocated and upgrades have been all to ensure that there is something unique and appreciated out there on the site. It is a work in progress, and the stories are multi-media based. The “tales” are the invisible brown acid, the invisible paranoia that has been cropped, too close like the nail you just never imagined would be the degenerate that hangs on to skin torn off. No questions asked, no questions answered.
  • The person who is going to appreciate that 80% of my “tweets” are attributed to RT’s. I hit them hard, and have an affinity for not being able to “promote” when I smile, and hit that button. Those that will eventually sit at a table, will appreciate the travellers around them. The counsel is as sage as the company kept, and darkness may bring closed doors to some, but comfort to others. Never in perpetuity, for to promise so would be squandered asinine dust for the meek.
  • The “Favstar” crowd can self-promote, inflate their own accounts with KNOWN bullshit, and my hard work and effort in keeping it all clean, and involving folks that are interactive, is “outcast”? What the fuck, this high school? Fuck right off, there are folks that dig the gig, and happy to prove it, as I do to them. Have you been a frequent bar stool abider at the gulch table top, then shake my freaking hand man – the people that know me in life do, and I honor that.
  • Social media is a way of interacting, and this is my curtain call. I am getting the book out in weeks. Want to review it for free? Get involved right now. Want to be able to participate in a project, and some VIP/invited creative projects for collaborative writing, screenplay and movie production – financed, and looking for active, intelligent and creative people? Get involved right now. Have an urge to stand the fuck up, or need some help to do that discretely – a call, a note, some paper, a smile – anything is possible if you just ask. Like asking for a beer. It is a declaration of your thirst and desire for a beer, nothing more. If one wishes, I am happy to offer many more, and more, in return. Discretion is such a disconcerting continent for the weary traveller unsure of their path.

It don’t try, but I am kind of thirsty from all of the writing.

Interact, and each post you RT, from now until 4:20 p.m on Tuesday, April 24, 2013 (*Toronto time for all the GMT aficionados) will get you an entry to the giveaway. No bullshit. That simple, the draw will be a live video screenshot just in case some of the fuqranaut’s that read this think it is a scam. (**snap edit @ 9:24 p.m – per my discretion, may be extended for duration based on interest, but no later than the 26th of April, 2013. As at 11:00 a.m Sunday, April 21, 2013 looking like this is the case. I will update for end of day today, based on folks interacting on all steps. Getting the word out is hard in a place that sees millions of words flash in a second.)

No, those are perpetrated in other forms on Twitterwebs, like the path of the bridle that has many others hoping it will lead to a “special” canopy, and the assholes that participate get their due in karma, and in life. This is assured.

You RT this to “start” off your interest in wanting to participate, and for example RT another 5 (*make sure to do this from www.fetaman.com, and from each post separately, as that is how the counter is going to scrap entries. For the record, I am assuming this is not going to be a million hits, and I will be reviewing the list. Making sure you have at least been a follower, or followed, and/or on the list and “relevant”. I reserve the right to tell you to fuck right off if you are one of the “trill followback” tarts that think there be butter in this tart. Sure thing…clean, simple.) then that is going to get you the beer entries + 5 entries, in this example a FB is 5, CB is 7, and EB would be 8 entries.

Support Gus – he is thirsty as well.

Score him a European beer, or a shot of liquid smoke, “orange grass” – and not only receive entry, but provide your email address with the support of the effort to date, and get a copy of the forthcoming book, code named “Orange Grass Abides”.

If you have been following me, or have a “clue” about the last decades of Fetaman, you know that this has been a long road, and we are not quitting.

Your support is appreciated, in whatever capacity that may be – that even includes the lovely haters and folks that want to cast stones from imaginary houses, and under the guise of internet protectors and libertarians.

I wander through the badges, and smile.
The context of it, smirk or invitation?

How about this, let’s keep it real simple.

I can write, and willing to do that for a fee – anytime, any place.
Should be easy enough to contact me for “whatever” you need.
Any problems, will be none.
I am available.
What do you want?
Discretion is always assured.

I write here, and also on Twitter as @fuqtarded.

I am blessed to be in the good position to give away this new 4GB iPod Shuffle, 3rd Generation, and it will be shipped anywhere in the continental America’s.

Consider an old Greek tale that illustrates the same principle as on “Twitter”, as paraphrased; one hand washes the other, and both the face.

Clean, crisp, transparent honesty.

There has been nothing different in this “water”, except the pruned force of it, the reaction is, may be, will be a brine tsunami. It is coming friends, and soon, whether the site goes “code sub” as a whole, or in part, be assured, it will.

Get to high ground.
Not all gulches are by essence deep, perspective may cause logical illusions.
Hit the shit, share some shit.
Spread the word, and get in the gig.
You buy an app and discard it in days.
You buy a beer, and don’t even remember the conversation.
It had no impact.

Have I not made some kind of impact, some kind of appeal with the actions, to warrant a tiny hit from the sun?

Or is my time, under this sun, done?

Fucking hot in here, these pretzel’s have been making Gus thirsty.

*abide*

By

Smoke ’em if you got ’em.

Lottery winner puts $1-million toward effort to legalize marijuana

  • Philanthropy from a true Canadian, a man with a passion and purpose who was gifted with a blessing his blessing is want to share
  • Committed women ensuring that women, men, sick or in good health, are able to find some value, relief and joy in a natural plant

Medbox positioned to capitalize on this exploding market HOLLYWOOD, Calif., April 8, 2013 /PRNewswire/ — Medbox, Inc. (OTC Markets: MDBX) (www.medboxinc.com), a leader in providing consulting services and systems to medical and retail industries worldwide, commented on the new research regarding American…

  • From the harsh reality of lifetime sentences because of green weed and skin tones, to the modern day acceptance of the use of, propogation of said use and the bullshit that surrounds it.
  • The assetized right to do right, for a just cause, a choice, like enlightenment, is universal. Warning is not an asset, it is an act.

It is with a high note that I begin this small post, late at night – the early hours of April 20, 2013. Four, twenty, firing at the pieces of shard that lay before me because there is want for nothing but this. The desire to express the deep timeline that lays in those three stories, and how the events of a tale from the lips of a context brings more than just the smirk.

It brings a relevance to each of us, that no one has yet to be able to discover without first doing so themselves.

I have.

The discovery has not been as pleasant as one may be lead to believe.

There are many shadows and thoughts that come out, and are clear indicators of the way we lived out lives and I will not be one to traverse the same escapes of iron that have been pressed by the heated blow hards and the passionate metal that strikes the anvil firm.

Yes, the regrets have been there. I will not bow to a mentor and discount their mention, to do so would be another pitch on that mound that would take you closer to the end of the game. To the passing of the time that would cause you to write with such angst, and passion that you just never want to stop.

You can’t.

The tale is to important to tell.

I have lived it.

Listening to Gus, I can relate.

The grass is orange.

*abide*

By

Forgive me. I have sinned.

Our Elites, are in tweet heaven, 
Holy is Their Name;
Their kingdom’s cum,
 your wills begets some,

on Favstar as it is in your “heaven.”
Elites, serve us this day your daily head,
and Big Mac us your puns, 
so we forgive the fuqtards who sin against us;
and lead me not in masturbation,
 but lever my meat cause I’m evil.
Amen.

I know you are cut of the cloth that has never done such things, oh wise monk of Twitter, with your sage drive-thru cloak and pontificated presence in the Elite Lords stewardship, but I stand here before you with one hope.

The abstinence that will be fed to purge my soul of the vile tribulations that you walked, and I know of the hardship that you had gone through – to have had to walk through the valley of the Chiseled Followback clan, and survived – all in a testament to the star piles left beside the camel dung of your sage words and creative sadness, lest not forget the monotonous tones of your identity and your characters in Jesus Christ, Superstarbang – a miracle. I can only be so blessed to know one day I may be able to tweet about what I ate, and inspire another to smile with my misery over the battery remote, please forgive me for what I am about to reveal.

Revile me.

I sought the Jezebel, a woman that Mary Mandolin had strummed singing sweet songs of memories pure and true, it was her message to me and I fell to her wails. I wanted to be like you oh great monk of the perish.

I had to kiss her, Tweetadder. Her twitter strategy…so…flawless. Fair. So just. So “elite”.

She was so lovely there. Glistening in the moonlight, the shadow that had been cast by your own forefathers. Perhaps even those of the renowned Twitteratti, slipping from character to character to replace the chalice from their library years, with a hope that no one can hear that stalk fall or the sirens calls heated by the glorious gasps of dragons I am assured you have tamed, now that you have left them out of those dungeons.

The forest is such a wild place for a wizard. You know, or at least one of your identities knows. Of this, be sure.

I should not have been tempted, but the link. It seemed so real. So true, it must have been a real person there, gifted in the craft they speak so much of being able to create. The bosoms were grand, they were everywhere – she had turned into a nipple Medusa. I was not able to escape her clever ways, and appealing musk. The site before me was horrific, I had thought, that yes, if I had made it to the mountain I would be well armed to move forward and avoid her calls.

But those nipples…below knee…baloney…delirious joy…freedom.

Oh but wise sage, those nipples, how they turned into aureole serpents of flesh tones promised with the taste of the positions to come. The format kingdom, for but a moment to see what she really had in store for me, not knowing it was just the gateway.

She leaned in, and whispered.

“See who is not following you.”

It was glorious.

Like something I had never seen before.

She was right.

It was the gateway.

And this, this is my satchel.

Each filled with a real story, and real experience.

Each letter, each stroke counted, known.

The money shots, the lucky shots, the buck shots, hot shots, shit shots, big shots, bot shots…

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the hord:
Tramps of vintage oak where the grapes of wrath are stored;
I have loosed the feta lightning of tsunami swift brine words:
Girthy souvlaki dong.

“Glory, glory, hallelujah!”

Yes, I had seen what her power was.

And the patterns all became so clear.

I was hooked.

It had all started with the one simple filter application.

Such sexy lingerie, such a ubiquitous smirk…how did you do it, how did you resist the temptation? Tell me.

You*: “Forefathers of the Chiseled Followback clan, the Favstar Genitalliarattii, had tried to survive in the world, and hoped they could hide in their secret world, but they had to mutate, and begin to preserve their word on the dried parchment of elk cock. It was a horrible time, but they survived. Merely on the bones and fluids of their own kind, shoving star, after star, after worthless star – no nutritional value in those virtual mitzvah’s. Some said it was Zeus himself that had no value, but we are not want here to decide if we should deconstruct the glorious essence of their choices, so much as to agree.”

Yes, forgive me, a dirty efficiency whore looking to be more effective in marketing my book about funny shit, and entertaining, never begging for sympathy despite a semi-private survival of cancer, or hoping that one would simply donate, but offering words in fair exchange for entertainment not constrained by Google ads and horrible pupil killing dissentry and disgusting cardboard entertainment about another cat being walked by a fictional owner, or another flat dissertation on the meaning of love and why it will kill all your dreams, so just listen to your Smith’s cassette and you will figure out now came sooner than you thought  – forgive m…

You*: “The fools you suffer on Twitter are of your own making. It is merely your imagination, and want for some kind of excitement, or a need to fill that void, with some kind of creativity. Some of the animals in the forest, are vile and nasty, and are still part of it. Some are whores and suckers of meat sticks their children and wives are oblivious to, but know this. They have a role, and so you can allow them to do what they wish, but protect yourself from them by using more tools. Being aware of who and what they are, before they can attempt to get into your mind. Do not be fearful of their lack of cackles, or their support. You do not need it. Please read the piece of paper you can take with you, and post of it on your website. Inform the people of the world, that they exist. Those that have whored themselves out for number, and with no creativity and action, but thinking they can now control you. Mankind, will never advance beyond the state of Twitter, if we do not stay the course.”

Sancte redemptor scriptor, fides vestra

Fides est nobis creativum winners,
Nunc et in miseria vestri, ad iustitiam.
Futuis iudicium vestrum, quod suus ‘valor est vilis mihi.
Mea vita est, intellectus meus.
Ego in harena quisquam.

*abide*

*please read this section out loud while reading it. If you do not read it, I will not be able to hear you. As such, please go back, and read it again loud, and I will get back to you when I can. If you don’t eat your meat, how do you expect to get any pudding? You can’t get any pudding, if you don’t eat the meat.

**contact is imminent as a matter of choice, not fate.

By

1-800-SNAP-PEA

Pus Removal Associates, Discrete Attendance.

The name was kind of hard to come up with.

After all, the acronym could be seen to conflict with a certain brand and all of it’s puffery and festooned pageantry, and it was very much concerned about image – yeah, guess it too even had swollen sacks of pus in some capacity that had to agree with comfort as well as class.

Had to be classy.

Introducing, SNAP-PEA Inc.

Not many men or women are going to want to be telling their secretaries that they were in no position to have someone pop that monster zit on their back, or on their genitals. Well, everyone in a first world problem way has that kind of access, or we would instantly snap to it and demand that not all have that privilege that you would demand. There are a fuck load of folks in the system that don’t have access to a regular GP, or a dermatologist. Hell, some of the folks that even hear the world dermatologist will instantly either think Ghostbusters or get an image of an gynecologist smiling over the stirrups at them.

The name stuck as soon as it was heard. Not only because it was playful, but also because it was “scientific” without any of the snake oil.

Society needed this service, and in fact the demographic demanded it. With all of the pube shaving bullshit going on, and the need to be able to point to the bean tower at the end of that landing strip – *delicious scream the trendsetters* well who am I to fight the force of the aging population that is staying single longer, if and when choosing to marry doing so after being properly satisfied their social network diversions have not only been cultivated properly, but are accepted as such and blessed with the foresight to recognize she better still love you when you have 3,783,452 followers that hang on your every word.

Don’t worry, she claims she will.
So did he.

It will all change in time, and you will look back at those days with the same want and reflection of the start of the love. When she was willing to snap that pea sized zit on your back and still smile at you, knowing it was just natural. Today, you look at the task as a gross responsibility that has nothing to do with making the world a better place.

Like porn, it has nothing to do with no significant “world” war has ever been started since porn became the diversion that helped angry people around the world find peace and serenity in sexual candy bars in the form of 4 minute clips meant to entice the healthier lifestyle you seek in the bedrooms and dens of pleasure everywhere. But I digress, we are here to talk about Snap-Pea.

When you get that nasty zit, and you can’t ask your spouse – what are going to do?

Go waste time in traffic, the waiting and the sitting in the doctor’s office so they can use a small paste, numb it, pop it with some sterile tool, then wipe/ointment/cover and smile as you depart? Not only is your insurance company going to bill the fuck out of that visit, it is going to cost the company a couple hundred bucks in cash, and another few hundred in lost productivity.

Right?

Exactly – so imagine, a discrete associate of the firm, arriving at your office, home, place of worship, park – wherever you find it convenient, and condusive to the affair, we will be there. A small black briefcase carrying the sterile tools and the needed ointments, arrive and for the small fee of $39.99 we will pop the biggest, nastiest and grossest zit you have.

Anywhere on your body, we are there to help.

It don’t matter how gross it is, or where it is.

We can help take care of that nuisance, and each and every other one is classified into Standard ($4.99) or Boil Class ($9.99) and we will gladly provide them in memorial tube’s that can be Vanilla ($1.99) or Truffle *hand decorated ($4.99). We will happily snap photo’s ($0.99/HD image), hell – we can even take a small video of the event using the micro tri-pod and arrangement stored in the briefcase. Each minute of 720p YouTube ready video is recorded at a mere $2.99 – incredible?

We know, that is why we are here.

Look, the loss of mobility, the inability to focus, that burning tingle on the Dockers slacks just around Snickers time is enough to drive us all mad. Whether you are in a cubicle, or have your own office, we are comfortable performing our friendly service anywhere you are.

If you are not concerned, neither are we. We will send over one of our professionally trained, enthusiastic Snap-Pea associate for your appointment. Special requests start at same/opposing sex associates, and range all the way up to the Pelosi Concrete Ponderosa Cinderella Fantasy Package at $199.99. Custom arrangements can be accommodated but we respectfully request a $500 deposit in order to consult with any relevant legal, financial or farming associates.

Security? No need, all of our associates are fully micro-chipped, and enabled with recording device’s to ensure nothing inappropriate goes on. Really, it is just as much for your good, as ours. As a side note, that law suite, the one room bachelor, regarding the ability for us to use, sell, or present your video to appropriate Stress Transitioning Directors, it was settled. All of our adult entertainment affiliations remain in tact and we promise to use your video in an unedited and fully public manner.

This concept does not have to be “sold” – it is a gem, and although we were offered a chance to appear on the Dragoons Pen, we humbly declined and have begun preparations for our Kickstarter page. All submissions have been made, and we hope that Kickstarter will welcome us with the same desperate look of “help me” we see each and every day from our fellow men and women.

  • Pop that zit, make your day happier
  • Hold open that door, and nail that PPT presentation
  • Cheer in the hockey stands, and jump up and down without fear of stains
  • Shop at Costco in comfort

We are there for you, and we love what we do.
Not only because we do, but because we know how it makes you feel.

1-800-SNAP-PEA

The IPO/President List will be announced shortly, and any and all persons that tweet or forward this article will be eligible to receive a Class Certification Application for that list, we would love to have you aboard.

As an extra benefit, you will be considered Best of Fester class, and will be offered a chance to view our online webinar that provides crisp, clear, refreshing answers as to why this is not only profitable, pleasurable and professional – but it will make the world a place, that is a better place to be in.

Make the world a better place.

Make it a zit free place.

Call 1-800-SNAP-PEA today, and let us show you the way.

*abide*